A Friend's Eye is a Good Mirror

What is the cost of a friendship? Is there any price tag along with it as soon as we nod our heads or shake our hands as the gesture of acknowledging the start of the friendship? What is the true responsibility of a friend?

Ironically, we seem to know the answers and yet, at the same time, we do not! It is hard nowadays to get a true friend like we used to have back then. The loyalty of a friend is a rare thing to be seen anywhere. Why? What had happened? 

Affirmatively, I can say that the culture of materialism and individualism had tailored us to be such. True friends are very hard to come by nowadays. I have seen even the best of friends had became otherwise when self interest meddles in between. 

The human species had evolved back into the self absorbed beings, just like what it used to be back in the beginning of time. The act of requesting the help and sacrifice from friends is deemed to  be the stepping stone for self excellence or  solution tools for personal problem, without feeling, acknowledging or showing any gratitude towards the rendering party. The self absorption attributes has molded most of us to be ingeniously efficient in championing the manipulation strategy among those around us. 

I feel sorry for those who are not true or sincere to their friends. 

Recently, I had witnessed how friends of twenty odd years had turned out sour due to the self absorption attitude of a party. A sacrifice of a party for an old friend had been abused by the other party. I saw the frustration of the rendering party which had resulted to his withdrawal from the friendship.

In another case, there was an example of what I would categorize it as betrayal. Back stabbing is normal among friends who have grudges, but back stabbing of a friend, who acts angelic to another, is totally unacceptable. With God’s will, the loop would be completed when the third party informs the unsuspecting friend. That is the splinter that rots the friendship as the informed party starts to feel betrayed.    

As a Muslim, it is quite humiliating to be witnessing such a thing among the same congregate. The love has gone! Where has it disappeared to? With all the preaches and campaigns of love, faith (Iman), and all the good values taught in the religion by all, including those who are involved in the two cases I mentioned above, I have yet to digest how can we be sincere and faithful with God and our own selves if we are unable to be sincere and faithful among ourselves in the community.  

As I am writing this memoir, I recall what my Dad had taught us. He told us to be careful and discreet in selecting our friends, as it will affect our lives. There are friends that can be considered as true friends, whom we can rely on anytime and in any situation. There are also friends that can just be considered as just friends, whom we should put an arm’s length. We were told not to find fault with anyone and not to create any enemy throughout our lives. It is okay if people do not like us as we are not perfect. As long as we keep to our principles, we are on the right track.

In order to evaluate whether we had chosen the right one to be our true friend, grab all opportunities that may test our friend(s). Sometimes, it is best to have a few quality friends, rather than having many friends who are not sincere to us.

I used to think that my Dad was just being discriminating, but I realized now that he was right all the way. In a world full of selfish people nowadays, friends can actually turn out to be our foe, without us knowing or realizing it.             

When You Fall into A Pit, You either Die or Get Out!

Time flies. Too many things had happened since I had last jot down in this humble journal of mine. I was being too busy to even crack my head for any sentence to start with. I also put the blame on being tired of putting up with others around me, especially at work.

I am on a month’s break from work and spending my once familiar lady of leisure life with my family in the ancient city of Rome, Italy. Sightseeing was fun here as in addition, we get to teach the younger generation to cherish what they actually have right now in life, because nothing stays forever. The once upon a time Great Romanian Empire is now left with remnants of buildings and sites that tourists go to click their cameras for remembrance, while it lasts.

As I was looking out of the window one day, watching my children enjoying their Mediterranean winter like most afternoons, it struck me - had I made the right choice a couple of years ago to help my hubby’s friend to be sacrificing those playing outside?...Was it worth all the issues and obstacles that I had gone through for all the misleading and invalid reasons? Amongst all of those, there’s one particular issue that still bugs me and it made me think hard to put my options right back on track.

To someone with a humbly vast experience like mine from many entities and industries, and to top it of, working for the sake of fulfilling my hubby’s friendship’s obligation; office politics is just not my cup of tea anymore as power struggle has been long obsolete in my wish list. Nevertheless, to compete with the young, not appropriately qualified, inadequate experienced and arrogant executives, is a refreshing challenge to me.

As a bonus, I do understand that most aspects of my colourful life attract jealousy to some especially spinsters, but that does not allow them to write and spread slanders about me. Goodness!!! (With that attitude, no wonder they are where and what they are!)

Then again, to still keep my sleeves folded up teaching the incompetent (who obviously do not wish to be taught and corrected!) while facing inappropriate slanders and accusations, is not part of my bargain. My experience, talents and knowledge could be well channeled and used to educate people who really want to improve themselves. Or, I can be stingy enough and develop my part time business  into a full swing business empire (although I had decided years ago to maintain my lady of leisure life and follow my hubby around the world, while watching the children grow!).

Right now, all that I know is that this break is high in my chart this year, as I had gone through a 10 weeks’ old miscarriage last October. It was a painful and disappointing experience. Despite of juggling a busy life between work and the kids, I was actually rather looking forward to the pregnancy. I was quietly wishing that it would be a girl this time. I suppose, The Almighty has mercy on me and has other plans for me later.

Three weeks ago, somewhere between Muscat and the Mediterranean Sea, I was telling myself that this holidays is not going to be as what I would expect. I was automatically preparing my mental to be working from afar. As usual, my instinct never fails me. The minute I switched on my mobile once I set foot in Fiumicino Airport, the messages and missed calls gave me a sore eye. It has been always ridiculously that way where there would not be space of privacy and peace each time I am away from the office, may it be on my Annual Leave, Medical Leave or even Maternity Leave! I used to console myself at the beginning of this job that it comes together with the responsibility package as all the procedures and systems are still in trial run; but it has been two years plus! Gosh! Teaching a two year old toddler is an easier task than this!

And for the record, those who are still wondering and banging their heads asking, “Who died and made you the king?”; my answer is, “My employer is very much alive and made me the executor ! And, the fun part is that I am paid to do just that!”.

All in all, at the end of each day, the lesson that I am still trying to grasp and digest from this episode of my life, is when I start to ponder on what my Dad used to teach me. He once told me if something is not worth the effort, let it be. Do not fight it; let it go (wherever it may want to flow). So, in short, I may let them drown in their own arrogant attitude. Life is too short to be wasting my time upon being the unsung hero for those who do not have the guts to be there when their army needs them. There are more Very Important People that I can attend and render my services to, which no price tag can bid….my family. It’s always worth ALL the effort!.

Wherever You Go, You Can't Get Rid of Yourself!

After eight solid months of silence, here I am, writing away (again!).

What happened? Well, to answer that, there is a long list to follow through. First and foremost, I was on the rebound from being the large baby elephant to my normal self; then, there was the sleepless nights; then, there was the work; then, there was the house chores; then there was this and that, and the list goes on. All in all, having a baby after eleven years, made my days (and nights!), a chaos!! Seriously, I am still very tired everyday. The only time I have for myself is when I lock myself in the bathroom! My goodness!!!..

Nevertheless, it makes my heart blossoms with joy each time my baby smiles or winks at me...or even just looking at his serene face when he sleeps...

Happy is as Happy does

It’s the end of the year again. For as long as I can remember, I love year ends. Since I was a young girl, I remember having my father around for the whole December each year. He purposely cleared his Annual Leave throughout the whole of December, and that makes it a family ritual, where we would have our father all to ourselves during the year end. The memory of the following year’s preparation for a new school term would linger around my father’s active presence and participation in the whole process.

Well, this year’s December seem to be much more meaningful to me. Why? Because, after three false alarms – where right after the first one, had forced my hubby to rush home immediately from Lagos; after two solid weeks of Medical Leave with the strict instruction to stay in bed and after numerous episodes of contractions, I had successfully given birth to another baby boy on Friday, the 26th, at 5.55 pm, with the help of my new best friend, the epidural. (Thank you to the fellow who invented epidural!) Although he is 25 days early, he is healthy.

Yeap, you read it right…it’s a boy again! He..he.. (Guess the strong male gene runs in the family!) So, that makes him the seventh grandson in a row for my mum!!! Well, here he is….

This is my sixth day of confinement and so far, it has been quite an experience, considering that I had long forgotten how the birthing process should have been. With the latest products for confinement mums, I am so grateful that confinement nowadays is a more pleasant experience. This time, although I still religiously follow my family’s traditions of confinement ‘ritual’, I am open to adopt modern and medically recommended products to be blended with the traditional ways.

Anyway, wishing all a Happy New Year and May Next Year Be A Better One Than This Year.

Do not Allow Sins to Get beyond Creeping

Compartmentalisation. Organisation. I came across these words when I was trying to figure out how to describe ‘catalog’ when I was doing a write up for my work. Then, it struck me; wonder if these words could be applied to our lives. I could not help thinking about it throughout the whole journey home from work that day.

Can anyone in this world possibly compartmentalise his or her life? (Of course, I mean besides those who really are sick with the multiple personality illness.) Do normal, healthy and wise people like us able to segregate our lives, especially our emotions and relationship, into different compartments?

Hmmm… Let’s see… Since young, we were taught attributes that could have prevented us from becoming such a person. We were taught never to lie to anyone, including ourselves. We were taught to be true to everyone, including God, our family, teachers, friends, relatives, partners et cetera. Back then, the word or concept of multi tasking was not really emphasized. We were to concentrate one task at a time. Finish things completely, one by one, with excellence. That was why when we see any child; we would always go with the sentence, “Oh! What an angel..” It is because we were taught to be an angel. As we grow up, the real world became our teacher to adjust and change these attributes to  be a more complex and complicated  in nature . What had happened to the ‘angel’ in us?

Today, we frequently read in the newspapers and the magazines about the alarming rising rate of divorce cases in Malaysia, especially the Muslim. There are also common cases of people being charged with corruption, abuse of power, adultery et cetera. What is going on? Had these people been compartmentalising their lives that they failed to handle the truth? Or had they been living a lie, that they tend to segregate their lives like a catalog that can conveniently be flipped and chosen from? If this is the world we are living in, I am so afraid for my children. How will it be for them? Will the values that we so very hard try to instill, be gone once they start to join the real world?

On the other hand, I wonder, do I live a life that can qualify me to be considered as one of this new species of human being? The last time I checked, I am still the person who I am. But, am I entitled to be my own judge? Hmm… Need to postmortem on this issue. Need to jot down in my journal, to add ‘soul search’ into my to-do list.

Anyway, I hope everything turns out right for everyone. After all, happiness is the ultimate thing that everyone seeks. It is just a matter of how we interpret it.