Do not Allow Sins to Get beyond Creeping

Compartmentalisation. Organisation. I came across these words when I was trying to figure out how to describe ‘catalog’ when I was doing a write up for my work. Then, it struck me; wonder if these words could be applied to our lives. I could not help thinking about it throughout the whole journey home from work that day.

Can anyone in this world possibly compartmentalise his or her life? (Of course, I mean besides those who really are sick with the multiple personality illness.) Do normal, healthy and wise people like us able to segregate our lives, especially our emotions and relationship, into different compartments?

Hmmm… Let’s see… Since young, we were taught attributes that could have prevented us from becoming such a person. We were taught never to lie to anyone, including ourselves. We were taught to be true to everyone, including God, our family, teachers, friends, relatives, partners et cetera. Back then, the word or concept of multi tasking was not really emphasized. We were to concentrate one task at a time. Finish things completely, one by one, with excellence. That was why when we see any child; we would always go with the sentence, “Oh! What an angel..” It is because we were taught to be an angel. As we grow up, the real world became our teacher to adjust and change these attributes to  be a more complex and complicated  in nature . What had happened to the ‘angel’ in us?

Today, we frequently read in the newspapers and the magazines about the alarming rising rate of divorce cases in Malaysia, especially the Muslim. There are also common cases of people being charged with corruption, abuse of power, adultery et cetera. What is going on? Had these people been compartmentalising their lives that they failed to handle the truth? Or had they been living a lie, that they tend to segregate their lives like a catalog that can conveniently be flipped and chosen from? If this is the world we are living in, I am so afraid for my children. How will it be for them? Will the values that we so very hard try to instill, be gone once they start to join the real world?

On the other hand, I wonder, do I live a life that can qualify me to be considered as one of this new species of human being? The last time I checked, I am still the person who I am. But, am I entitled to be my own judge? Hmm… Need to postmortem on this issue. Need to jot down in my journal, to add ‘soul search’ into my to-do list.

Anyway, I hope everything turns out right for everyone. After all, happiness is the ultimate thing that everyone seeks. It is just a matter of how we interpret it.

A Crown's No Cure for a Headache

Adulthood is responsibility. How did that happen?.....That had crossed my mind today. Hmm...How I have missed my childhood days; and of course, the ever exciting and carefree times of my adolescent life…Who wouldn’t?

We were taught to be ever ready to take responsibilities, no matter we like it or not, no matter what it would be, without any reservation. The truth is, it sucks. I envy those who can just shut down the ‘unwanted’ or ‘undesired’ responsibilities and be picky, just to suit their lifestyle or just simply their convenience.

Maybe because I was crowned to be the first born, the pressure of taking the saddle onto my back was intense, since as far back as I can remember. I guess, due to that fact, I can’t help but I seem to be putting that same pressure on my eldest child. I can see his resentment but in my belief, it is for his own good and the younger sibling(s)’ good. I try to evaluate each and every action that I make at every end of a day. I can only sum up in one sentence ~ it is tough being an adult but life must go on. We just have to make do with what’s blessed and given to us. Swallow it down our throat and don’t make any fuss about it. Try our level best not to worsen the situation, whatever it is.

Anyway, had received good news from my youngest brother today; we are blessed with another baby boy in the family, at about 11.56 am this morning. His second son was born today, as the Beijing Olympic 2008 starts. It was a normal birth, without any epidural or induction process. For all that we know, it was fate and good luck, because there are so many couples around the globe trying their very best, praying hard, scheduling for c-sections and even trying to induce labour so as to just have their babies on this historical date of 08.08.08 as their child’s birth date. I must be prepared later for my Chinese friends who will be saying “Huaaa… so ong la….” And with that, he makes the sixth grandchild for my mum, where all of them are BOYS. What a score!

Thinking back, how weird life can turn out to be. My baby brother, who was obviously the baby in the house, everything made for, very well pampered, is now a father of two boys. Will he be a real man who can take real responsibilities? Or does that ‘leadership’ being partially delegated to my sister-in-law who is the second child of four in her family? With that thought, I revert back to my situation. My hubby is a baby brother in his family too. Does that make him any less of a responsible man? Gee… I really have to see deeply into this matter…(after 15 years’ of marriage?…he..he ) Bottom line, I love the person whom both of them are. Maybe the 'give and take' makes things less frictional and makes everything balanced. That’s why they say marriage is made in heaven, because in true fact heaven is created by a blissful marriage. Am I making any sense? Or is it my maternal hormones talking?...

Anyway, I still say adulthood sucks. I wish I can be back in the 80s where everyday, life was a laid back, enjoyable, fun, exciting, interesting, carefree, stress free and heart warming event.

Children are a Poor Man’s Riches

The router is up and running since last night and this means, I’m back. Anyway, I suppose it is still not too late to be wishing all mums around the world “Happy Belated Mother’s Day”. Luckily it was on a Sunday. So, everyone was at home. Guess what I did the whole Sunday…. house cleaning, rearranging the furniture and laundry management. Free and fun way to sweat…. ;)

My brother took the trouble to fly up from Johor Bahru to Penang to celebrate Mother’s Day with my Mum. She was very happy indeed. They spent the day shopping.

Talking of mothers, I am reminded to last week’s encounter. My son’s school bus’ driver, a single mum, approached me to start teaching her daughter English Language. (I used to be a part time teacher for Accounting & English Language to the Forms 4 & 5 at a tuition centre in the neighbourhood last year and decided to stop doing so since I had to follow my hubby abroad.) I declined politely as I may be going off to another country in the near future. I suggested that she signs up with one of the tuition centres.

For the sake of her child, she pleaded to me and I could not refuse once I noticed that she was in tears. I guess every mum would do anything in her child’s best interest, even if it needs her to put aside her pride. Eventually, I agreed to have her kid at my house for two hours every Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, for free. I had never done it for the money anyway. Just for the love of sharing.

Know what I call that thing which the single mum has? I label it the Power of Motherhood. Naturally, motherhood grants a woman, no matter how young and naïve she may be, the unimaginable power and strength to ensure that her children are loved, happy, healthy, safe and successful. That’s why, since the beginning of time, as early as the first month of pregnancy, mothers would go through the unthinkable for their children. I did that once. I had to forgo my college degree to give way to the pregnancy of my first child. Ten years later, I found myself to be one of the oldest in the class full of youngsters when I resumed my quest for a college degree. Ha..ha..

I was just wondering, with the current lifestyle and only God knows what’s coming in the future, can a child do the same for a mother? I suppose, that’s one of the reason why I started this blog ~ to remind my children and other youngsters about the values and attributes one should adopt in order to live a civilised and decent life. Even if they had the best accomplishments in life, it still means nothing without any values and good attributes.

It’s actually the karma of life. What goes round comes around. I remember a Malay saying that states “A mother can care for ten children, but a child may not be able to care for a mother.” It gives me the chills to even imagine if one day my children decide to keep me away at an old folks home. (They’d better not…or they’d be scraped off from the will!!!)

All in all, maternal instinct is natural in any woman. Even those who are unfortunate enough to conceive one, there are so many ways to be a mother. Bottom line, never give up. On a negative note, I am still annoyed with reports about mothers ‘throwing away’ their newborn babies in the dustbins, by the roadsides, in the toilets et cetera. Please…. If those babies aren’t welcomed, just give away properly. There are still people who would love to raise them as their own.

As for me, I’m blessed with two children, and it looks like that’s it. Since being diagnosed with PCOS last year, I have put a stop to dreaming and hoping for another child, a girl maybe. For now, I’ll just look forward and settle for a daughter-in-law! Overall, I am a happy woman and I am grateful for that.

Every End has a New Beginning

A few days ago, I received news that one of my friend’s father had passed away in a road accident. I know it must have been difficult for her and she is struggling hard this moment.

Kak Ina, be strong! Banyakkan berdoa…Semoga Allah mencucuri Rahmat ke atas rohnya…

I know how she feels right now. I had my share of grieving moments ten years back. I lost my Dad to a sudden heart attack when I was two weeks away from delivering my youngest child. Imagine that! It was really bad. What makes it worse was that I was supposed to spend the day with him that day, but instead, I decided to postpone the visit later that afternoon. As if my guilt was not enough, I was told that he had talked to all of my family members, except me, earlier that fateful day. It was as though he knew his time was up. My mum told me that he complained that the line could not get through when he tried calling me several times. I guess, I had practically cried myself to labour! I even had illusions that my Dad had kissed my forehead while I was sleeping after the delivery.

I remember reading somewhere, a Chinese proverb said “We cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over our heads, but we can refuse to let them build nests in our hair”. That was when I decided to turn the table around and look at it from a different perspective. I started to count my blessings. I was lucky to have my husband and my eldest child, who was only four at that time. My hubby became my pillar of support and to my surprise, my four year old was acting mature enough to be my soothing charm.

Anyway, the important lesson of life when we loose someone dear to us is that for every lost, there will be a replacement. It may be in so many ways…All we have to do is to start looking and analysing, to realise what or who it is. It sounds weird and funny at the same time, right? Well, look around us. Everything has a cycle. Eventually it makes a lot of sense. Death is the great leveller. In my case, God had given our family with the gift of a newborn life, as the antidote to our sorrow. I began to understand that everything that happens in life has a continuous story or reason to it. As much as we hate to loose, may it be someone or something, we have to accept the fact that every adversity carries with it the seed of equal or greater benefit. It’s just life. And with each difficulty that we have to go through, it will make each of us a better person.

Wealth is Not His that has It, but His that Enjoys It

I received a forwarded e-mail from a friend yesterday. After reading it, I felt that it would be good to share it rather than to just waste it in the recycle bin. (Moreover, it kept repeating in my head throughout the day!! :P). There is no doubt about the truth with regards to the metaphor used. Ben Franklin (1706-1790) was really wise to come up with the above saying. Anyway, I’ll just leave it to you guys to digest….


Subject: Quite like this....

A group of alumni, all highly established in their respective careers, got together for a visit with their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about the endless stress of work and life in general.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen and soon returned with a large pot of coffee and an eclectic assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain, some expensive, some quite exquisite. Quietly he told them to help themselves to some fresh coffee. When each of his former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the old professor quietly cleared his throat and began to patiently address the small gathering.

'You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is actually the source of much of your stress-related problems.'

He continued… 'Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we drink. What each of you really wanted was coffee, not a cup, but you instinctively went for the best cups. Then you began eyeing each other's cups...''Now consider this: Life is coffee - Jobs, money and position in society, are merely cups. They are just tools to shape and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change the quality of the Life we live. Often by concentrating only on the cup we fail to enjoy the coffee that God has provided us. God brews the coffee, but he does not supply the cups. Enjoy your coffee!'

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything... So remember: LIVE SIMPLY, LOVE GENEROUSLY, CARE DEEPLY, SPEAK KINDLY, LEAVE THE REST TO GOD.

There's No Glory without a Sacrifice

Goshhh...It's Lazy Monday again....After a long weekend, had to drag myself out of bed to start another week. Being a SAHM does not mean that there's no chores and errands to be done. Learned that the hard way!. :P

Back then, when I was part of the workaholic crowd, I used to imagine that being a SAHM would meant having nothing to do and no objectives or goals to achieve. Well, as they say, you never know what lies right around the corner... Know what? I realised that I actually do not have enough time! 24 hours a day is not enough! Apart from the chores, there's the kids and their informal education, the part-time business, the friends, the neighbours, the extended families etc etc. Of course, the last of the list would be me. What do I get out of it?..... Took me some time to get the answer..... Love. Yes. The answer is love. I am able to give love and receive more love.

I used to be angry with myself for being what I have became. To give up things that matter. To forgo things that I believed in. Was I in the position to be angry? Do I have that right? We were once taught to be good girls, study hard, obtain good grades, get hold of a decent job, get married to the right guys, be good wives and mothers, and ...... That's it?!. Was that the full circle? Or did they assumed that we will finally grow up and get some sense to do what's best next? How come no one taught us that life itself would be such a hard work, especially emotionally? We have to give, in order to receive.

Nevertheless, I eventually learned that by chucking away my obsession to climb up the career ladder and being at home 24/7 had made everyone good. I have the privilege to attend to everyone's need. Most satisfyingly, I have the ability to extend a helping hand to those who seek for it. I suppose it is my obligation to everyone to make myself available.

As I recall my childhood days, I can still remember that each family institution has its own functional sub units where apart from our parents and siblings, we have extended family members like grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins etc, whom we look up to. Each individual, regardless how busy or crazy their lives were, will religiously function as who they were supposed to function.

Nowadays, everyone is so engrossed with themself. Things are mostly taken for granted. The new generation no longer sees or hears from their uncles or aunties, or even grandparents, more than twice or three times a year. Everyone stays far apart from each other due to urbanisation and better living, I guess. When I was young, I couldn't even go to the sundry shop without bumping into one of my relatives!!( Thinking back, how suffocating could that have been!) Well, there is always pro and cons to the situation.

All that we want in life is merely just happiness. How we function, is up to each individual to analyse, adopt and conduct. If we don't function how and what we are supposed to, then, eventually in time, the function will 'find' us, whether we like it or not!. My best guess, that is what I am living through now. Like it? Yes, I do.