Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Adversity is a Gift

It has been some time since I last penned down my thoughts in this blog. I apologise to my regular readers and thank you for the e-mails dropped.
I had gone through a very interesting quarter of a year, the past three months, I mean. There were events that I could not digest until now that I decided to just go with the flow. Fated, I guess.

First, there was “The Accident” on our National Day, involving our car and a seventeen year old ‘Mat Rempit’ (or the ever-dangerous-street-cup-racer), which resulted our car to be stuck at the workshop for about a month, particularly, the Ramadhan or the fasting month; and the “Mat Rempit” to break his wrist. That was the first time ever, I saw a real stuntman, flying from his motorbike across the road, without any cameraman or director saying “Cut!”. I know it is not polite to be saying this, but, serves him right. Civilised human beings do not use the public road as a racing ring. Hope that he had learned his lesson.

Then, there was “The Operation” on the twentieth day of the fasting month. My eldest was complaining that he was having tummy ache due to constipation. We visited the general practitioner in our neighbourhood and she gave him a prescription for constipation and gastric pain. Guess what, it got worse and he soon had a temperature and was later referred to the specialist hospital. Immediately, he was warded as the doctors suspected that he had appendices pain. We were assured that it would be just a minor operation, taking about an hour tops. Next morning, after an hour long of waiting in front of the Operation Theater, the surgeon came out, with lots of blood on his scrub, asking our consent to cut longer than the one or so inches promised. He diagnose that my son’s appendices had burst and had severely affected his intestines. I nearly fainted, just by looking at the sight of the surgeon, let alone, with the gruesome news of the severity of my son’s illness! Luckily, hubby was with me, supporting me, physically.

Three and a half hours later, he was pushed to the Intensive Care Unit, when at the same time, the surgeon, came out explaining to us what had been done and showed us the ruined 10cm intestine which he had to cut off from my son’s abdomen. In the ICU, my heart sank over and over again, looking at how my son suffered. There were four tubes coming out from his body. One from his intestine and skin, to drain out the pus and germs; one from his other part of the intestine, to flow out his faeces; one from his nose, to drain out the hydrochloric acid from his tummy and one from his urine system, to drain out his urine. Apart from that there was a needle poking his hand to flow in his medicine, pain killer etc. It was really heart wrenching to see a thirteen year old having to go through such a thing.

He was not to take any fluid or food orally as his intestine had no activity and while waiting, he had vomited the hydrochloric acid from his stomach over and over again. We were not allowed to stay back in the ICU until three days later, where he was allowed to be placed in the single room ward. We literally camped in the hospital for eleven days, until two days before Eid Mubarak. Yup, not much to celebrate, except that we were grateful he was alive and getting better. Thankful because according to the specialist, in most cases of appendices which had burst and had infected the intestine, there would have been a very slim chance he could have survived. Today, he is well and healthy, life is back to normal.

Then, there was “The Work”, which ‘came’ to me a month ago. One of my clients (who is  also my hubby's friend) had offered me a very irresistible position in the organization. With a 150% increase in remuneration compared to what I was being paid as their consultant, I was offered the Head of Department’s position, regardless the fact that I was twenty eight weeks’ pregnant and asking to be in the office only four hours a day and work-at-home another four hours; the Board of Directors insisted that I came on board. It was too good to be true for a stay at home mum like me. On one hand, it was the excitement, but on the other hand, it was the guilt for leaving my kids at home, although it was only about six hours a day - inclusive the journey of forty minutes each way to and from KL. At last, after listing down the pros and cons, I opted to take the challenge and so far, it has been one and a half months! The solution: I take the challenge one day at a time. It was difficult at first, since my hubby had to be back in Nigeria three weeks ago. Everything has to be done all on my own. Discipline is my daily melody. Waking up as early as five every morning to prepare breakfast and lunch for the boys, and off to the office until I am back in the afternoon, to escape the terrible jam. Now, it has become a routine for us.

I was telling myself, in times of recession, I am not in the position to be picky and choosy, especially in my case, I did not apply for the job, but the job applied me! All I have to do is to be like the squirrels, gather as much nuts as possible for the winter season.

God has His ways to do things. Odd ones though. I do not wish that wealth be bestowed upon us by sacrificing my child’s intestine, my time with the children and my hubby’s time with the family. God knows better what’s in store for us. All that we can do is just do the best we can, within our boundaries, and pray hard that everything will turn out well and okay.

Friday, August 8, 2008

A Crown's No Cure for a Headache

Adulthood is responsibility. How did that happen?.....That had crossed my mind today. Hmm...How I have missed my childhood days; and of course, the ever exciting and carefree times of my adolescent life…Who wouldn’t?

We were taught to be ever ready to take responsibilities, no matter we like it or not, no matter what it would be, without any reservation. The truth is, it sucks. I envy those who can just shut down the ‘unwanted’ or ‘undesired’ responsibilities and be picky, just to suit their lifestyle or just simply their convenience.

Maybe because I was crowned to be the first born, the pressure of taking the saddle onto my back was intense, since as far back as I can remember. I guess, due to that fact, I can’t help but I seem to be putting that same pressure on my eldest child. I can see his resentment but in my belief, it is for his own good and the younger sibling(s)’ good. I try to evaluate each and every action that I make at every end of a day. I can only sum up in one sentence ~ it is tough being an adult but life must go on. We just have to make do with what’s blessed and given to us. Swallow it down our throat and don’t make any fuss about it. Try our level best not to worsen the situation, whatever it is.

Anyway, had received good news from my youngest brother today; we are blessed with another baby boy in the family, at about 11.56 am this morning. His second son was born today, as the Beijing Olympic 2008 starts. It was a normal birth, without any epidural or induction process. For all that we know, it was fate and good luck, because there are so many couples around the globe trying their very best, praying hard, scheduling for c-sections and even trying to induce labour so as to just have their babies on this historical date of 08.08.08 as their child’s birth date. I must be prepared later for my Chinese friends who will be saying “Huaaa… so ong la….” And with that, he makes the sixth grandchild for my mum, where all of them are BOYS. What a score!
Thinking back, how weird life can turn out to be. My baby brother, who was obviously the baby in the house, everything made for, very well pampered, is now a father of two boys. Will he be a real man who can take real responsibilities? Or does that ‘leadership’ being partially delegated to my sister-in-law who is the second child of four in her family? With that thought, I revert back to my situation. My hubby is a baby brother in his family too. Does that make him any less of a responsible man? Gee… I really have to see deeply into this matter…(after 15 years’ of marriage?…he..he ) Bottom line, I love the person whom both of them are. Maybe the 'give and take' makes things less frictional and makes everything balanced. That’s why they say marriage is made in heaven, because in true fact heaven is created by a blissful marriage. Am I making any sense? Or is it my maternal hormones talking?...

Anyway, I still say adulthood sucks. I wish I can be back in the 80s where everyday, life was a laid back, enjoyable, fun, exciting, interesting, carefree, stress free and heart warming event.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

A Burden that One Chooses is Not Felt

Hmmmm….with this bulging belly of mine and additional kilos slowly catching me up, I am more prone to be a couch potato these days. Luckily I have few projects to keep me busy.

First, the SPM’s trial exam is just round the corner and both my student and I are really nervous about it.

Next, since it is past mid of the year, the audit exercise for my clients had just began. So, I’m up to my elbows doing ‘spring cleaning’ with the files and documents before being sent to the ever so stern auditors.

And last but not least, the preparation for my hubby's nephew’s wedding. Since the school holiday is just a couple of weeks away, I am busy preparing/decorating the gifts from the groom for the bride. Since I was a young a girl, I love ‘busybodying’ when the adults starts this process; and over the years, I tend to pick up the skills. It’s actually the hidden creative side of me emerging each time there’s wedding bells to be rung. These are a few which I had done and I promise to post more of the gifts and the occasion once the ceremony is done on the 16th.







Since hubby is still in Lagos, my routine chores had doubled with regards to the boys. This includes screaming at the top of my lungs just to remind them to either put the dirty laundry in the washing machine, feed the cats or even do their homework. Gee…boys will always be boys.

All in all, I am still hanging on steady, for now….

Monday, June 23, 2008

What Joy it is to be an Imperfect Human


It has been a while since I last wrote. Haven’t been myself lately. This pregnancy had been a topsy-turvy experience for me. Yes, this is my third time, but it’s different indeed. Seriously ~ lack of appetite, lots of throwing up, frequent bad headaches (more to migraines, I’d say!), major body aches, heavy eyes that I end up spending most of my 24/7 in bed and the worst, I could not stand any screens, may it be TV or laptop. My best friends were pickles, pickles and pickles. As I am at the end of the first trimester, I am feeling better and I think I can start writing again. (Yeay!!!)

Do I have lots of things to update. First, hubby’s to go for his new assignment next month. Guess where?....... Lagos, Nigeria. How long?...... Hmmmm….. Fifteen months top. So, since I am a “kenderaan berat” (that’s what my hubby calls me!), he insists that I am to stay back in Malaysia and join him next year, although I don’t mind tagging along. So, we are basically busy packing and preparing for his trip.

Next, our excitement to window shop for baby’s stuff. Gosh… We really are far behind with the latest gadgets and necessities for babies. It was really embarrassing when the salesgirls were smiling away when we were asking so many questions about each gadget. I felt so old! Ha..ha..

Anyway, I guess, these are parts of the joy of being a parent.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

To Believe with Certainty, we must Begin by Doubting

I apologise for the silence. I am just out of the twilight zone I was in since last week. It was denial at first but later, after Saturday, I was in the state of ……….(Goodness!! Me, the chatterbox of the family, actually do not have any word to describe how I felt!)

Okay, here’s what happened. Last week, I was late and as usual, just did the HPT in the wee hours of the Tuesday’s dawn and left the HPT on the sink to take my bath, expecting that there would be just a single line reflected at the HPT’s display window ( for the hundredth time, I guess). After the shower, I glanced at the HPT and I rubbed my eyes over and over again and I could not believe my eyes. There they were, TWO lines, ‘staring’ back at me…. I kept quiet and went numb the next five minutes and as I was about to perform my morning prayer, I casually told my hubby, who were reciting the Holy Quran, to check something out on the sink. He came into the room, grinning, and could not continue what he was doing earlier, due to excitement!

Guess what he did next? He picked up the phone to inform my mum at 6:30 am!!! My mum was like freaking out to be having her phone ringing at that hour! (Who wouldn’t?) But she was thrilled, just like her son-in-law. As for me, I was denying the fact that I may be pregnant. We fixed an appointment with my gynaecologist but unfortunately she was fully booked for the next five days. So, we had to settle for Saturday. Imagine the whole 120 hours I had to go through last week! I even had my hubby out to buy other expensive brands of HPT, just to prove that the earlier test was a false alarm. I end up having three positive HPTs!

Then, Saturday came. The doctor laughed her heart out when I showed her the three HPTs and after the ultrasound, she announced “Congratulations! It’s no doubt, we are six weeks’ pregnant!”

Oh my goodness!!! After ten years! I had even forgotten how it was to be pregnant and the birthing process! Gee, I guess, after the consumption of about 335 metformin pills and losing about 18kgs of weight within a year, since last June, it’s finally proven that PCOS can be controlled. One thing I learned from this experience is never to give up and keep asking from Him, unconditionally.

The above Polish saying is right. I had doubted this pregnancy at first, just to be able to believe in certainty. In my last post on the 14th May, I mentioned that I had stopped dreaming and hoping to have a girl. Well, I can dream and hope after all! I am even a happier lady right now.