To Believe with Certainty, we must Begin by Doubting

I apologise for the silence. I am just out of the twilight zone I was in since last week. It was denial at first but later, after Saturday, I was in the state of ……….(Goodness!! Me, the chatterbox of the family, actually do not have any word to describe how I felt!)

Okay, here’s what happened. Last week, I was late and as usual, just did the HPT in the wee hours of the Tuesday’s dawn and left the HPT on the sink to take my bath, expecting that there would be just a single line reflected at the HPT’s display window ( for the hundredth time, I guess). After the shower, I glanced at the HPT and I rubbed my eyes over and over again and I could not believe my eyes. There they were, TWO lines, ‘staring’ back at me…. I kept quiet and went numb the next five minutes and as I was about to perform my morning prayer, I casually told my hubby, who were reciting the Holy Quran, to check something out on the sink. He came into the room, grinning, and could not continue what he was doing earlier, due to excitement!

Guess what he did next? He picked up the phone to inform my mum at 6:30 am!!! My mum was like freaking out to be having her phone ringing at that hour! (Who wouldn’t?) But she was thrilled, just like her son-in-law. As for me, I was denying the fact that I may be pregnant. We fixed an appointment with my gynaecologist but unfortunately she was fully booked for the next five days. So, we had to settle for Saturday. Imagine the whole 120 hours I had to go through last week! I even had my hubby out to buy other expensive brands of HPT, just to prove that the earlier test was a false alarm. I end up having three positive HPTs!

Then, Saturday came. The doctor laughed her heart out when I showed her the three HPTs and after the ultrasound, she announced “Congratulations! It’s no doubt, we are six weeks’ pregnant!”

Oh my goodness!!! After ten years! I had even forgotten how it was to be pregnant and the birthing process! Gee, I guess, after the consumption of about 335 metformin pills and losing about 18kgs of weight within a year, since last June, it’s finally proven that PCOS can be controlled. One thing I learned from this experience is never to give up and keep asking from Him, unconditionally.

The above Polish saying is right. I had doubted this pregnancy at first, just to be able to believe in certainty. In my last post on the 14th May, I mentioned that I had stopped dreaming and hoping to have a girl. Well, I can dream and hope after all! I am even a happier lady right now.