To Believe with Certainty, we must Begin by Doubting

I apologise for the silence. I am just out of the twilight zone I was in since last week. It was denial at first but later, after Saturday, I was in the state of ……….(Goodness!! Me, the chatterbox of the family, actually do not have any word to describe how I felt!)

Okay, here’s what happened. Last week, I was late and as usual, just did the HPT in the wee hours of the Tuesday’s dawn and left the HPT on the sink to take my bath, expecting that there would be just a single line reflected at the HPT’s display window ( for the hundredth time, I guess). After the shower, I glanced at the HPT and I rubbed my eyes over and over again and I could not believe my eyes. There they were, TWO lines, ‘staring’ back at me…. I kept quiet and went numb the next five minutes and as I was about to perform my morning prayer, I casually told my hubby, who were reciting the Holy Quran, to check something out on the sink. He came into the room, grinning, and could not continue what he was doing earlier, due to excitement!

Guess what he did next? He picked up the phone to inform my mum at 6:30 am!!! My mum was like freaking out to be having her phone ringing at that hour! (Who wouldn’t?) But she was thrilled, just like her son-in-law. As for me, I was denying the fact that I may be pregnant. We fixed an appointment with my gynaecologist but unfortunately she was fully booked for the next five days. So, we had to settle for Saturday. Imagine the whole 120 hours I had to go through last week! I even had my hubby out to buy other expensive brands of HPT, just to prove that the earlier test was a false alarm. I end up having three positive HPTs!

Then, Saturday came. The doctor laughed her heart out when I showed her the three HPTs and after the ultrasound, she announced “Congratulations! It’s no doubt, we are six weeks’ pregnant!”

Oh my goodness!!! After ten years! I had even forgotten how it was to be pregnant and the birthing process! Gee, I guess, after the consumption of about 335 metformin pills and losing about 18kgs of weight within a year, since last June, it’s finally proven that PCOS can be controlled. One thing I learned from this experience is never to give up and keep asking from Him, unconditionally.

The above Polish saying is right. I had doubted this pregnancy at first, just to be able to believe in certainty. In my last post on the 14th May, I mentioned that I had stopped dreaming and hoping to have a girl. Well, I can dream and hope after all! I am even a happier lady right now.

Together they are Harder to Break, Separated they are Easily Snapped

Since I came back home some three weeks ago, I noticed that the post election turmoil is still hovering around the media. I suppose, the peak was the drastic move made by our ex-PM on Monday, had shaken the Malay community in Malaysia. As an ordinary Malaysian, I really do hope that the big guys know what they are doing. It is the future of our youngsters at stake here. Not just merely as any political tug of war.

When times like this, my grandfather’s face flashed in my mind. I still remember his last words to me, before he was admitted to the general hospital and later was brought home, dead at the age of seventy nine due to pneumonia. I was about thirteen years of age at that time. He said in his special language, “No matter what happens, be like this fist and stick together as a family; we can stand strong against any problem,” showing me his right fist. He was a deaf man, but he was very smart, strong and articulate. As the eldest grandchild, I had the privilege to learn how to communicate with the deaf.

Bottom line, no matter how different are our beliefs, principles and so forth, just be objective and stay in focus to really carry out the entrusted obligations. Not to just fulfil the personal agenda. We should learn from the past where most of the lost cities and vanished civilisations on the globe were destroyed due to the greed beyond imagination, although they had the most evolved, advanced and sophisticated technologies at their point of time. Point here is, the ‘punishment’ was to everyone, not just to the selfish.

Hope that Malaysia will NOT be a place where the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer in future. (Trust me, it’s not a pleasant sight…I’ve seen it all, in other countries.) There should be an even distribution of wealth throughout the nation and everyone will prosper. Prioritising is essential at this point of time, where recession and the food crisis are in sight.

From my observation, I noticed that we were taught by the older generation, the baby boomer’s generation, to work hard to acquire wealth in terms of material. Then, we instil that value into our children and indirectly, we are spoiling the new generation with materialism. Branded and expensive items are their first preference, although they know that the family cannot afford it. With the ‘love’ ticket, we, the older generation tend to borrow, beg or even steal to fulfil this spoilt brad’s request. (That’s why more adults are being blacklisted due to the credit cards’ NPLs!)

Young generation should be taught the importance of embracing values like respect, trustworthy, responsibility, diligent, humble, et cetera. Materialism should be abolished from their mindset. This is because they will be the new leaders to steer this country.

The One Who Teaches is the Giver of Eyes

With the Teacher’s Day just celebrated two days ago, and of course the long weekend Malaysians are enjoying, what more can you ask for?... Anyway, had been busy with the kids last Teacher’s Day. You must be wondering how come? They are the students! Right, they are the students, not the teachers. And yet, they give me migraine each year when 16th May comes.

“Ibu, what can I give my teachers this year?” See what I mean? It is like a must for my children to be asking me this same question every year. And, instead of making a fuss about it, I went along with them. I suppose, what’s with a small token compared to the knowledge given by these teachers. This year I got their teachers a scarf each. On the afternoons of the 16th May each year, I’ll see a few of my neighbours, who are teachers by profession, carrying loads of presents out of their cars, with big smiles on their faces! Hmm...must be nice being appreciated each year. On another note, we usually celebrate formal educationists each year. We, however, tend to forget about the informal educationists. This includes the tuition teachers, the religious teachers, the mothers, the parents, the grandmothers, the grandfathers et cetera. (A point to ponder on.)

Talking of teachers, there’s one particular teacher that is still stuck in my head since I was in Standard Five. Her name is Mrs Fong and she was one of the feared teachers in my school. She taught Mathematics and she was considered to be the kid sister of the lioness. She used to have a few of us, the Maths-dumb-heads, sat on the floor, in front of the class, to either finish up our homework or do our corrections. Due to that fact, it was no surprise why I used to hate and failed Maths, especially in that particular year, although my parents would spend hours a day each night to ensure that I did my homework.

She was certain that I would obtain 5Es for my Standard Five Assessment Examination. She told the class that she would cut off her head if I could obtain even a C! How could she! And when the results were published, she was beaming the whole morning. I had the confidence that I could have obtained at least 5Cs. That was good enough for me, at that time. And guess what? I obtained, straight As and all she could say was, “I don’t need to chop off my head. It was all worth it,” patted my shoulder and smiled, while handing me the exam’s results slip.

It was as though I was flying somewhere else although I was physically there. I cried the whole journey home. My family was very proud of me, although I still could not believe what had happened.

Over many years, I realised that what Mrs Fong did was to challenge me, mentally and the ‘abuse’ was to challenge my guts. Until today, I am ever so grateful to Mrs Fong for her effort to wake me up. Since then, I had tried to strive for excellence in everything I do. The girl who hated and was weak in Maths had done outstandingly for her Maths during her school years, had developed an articulate mind that she fell in love with numbers and now had made numbers to be her dough of bread. It is very true as they say, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll eat forever."

Teachers, wherever you are, thank you.

Children are a Poor Man’s Riches

The router is up and running since last night and this means, I’m back. Anyway, I suppose it is still not too late to be wishing all mums around the world “Happy Belated Mother’s Day”. Luckily it was on a Sunday. So, everyone was at home. Guess what I did the whole Sunday…. house cleaning, rearranging the furniture and laundry management. Free and fun way to sweat…. ;)

My brother took the trouble to fly up from Johor Bahru to Penang to celebrate Mother’s Day with my Mum. She was very happy indeed. They spent the day shopping.

Talking of mothers, I am reminded to last week’s encounter. My son’s school bus’ driver, a single mum, approached me to start teaching her daughter English Language. (I used to be a part time teacher for Accounting & English Language to the Forms 4 & 5 at a tuition centre in the neighbourhood last year and decided to stop doing so since I had to follow my hubby abroad.) I declined politely as I may be going off to another country in the near future. I suggested that she signs up with one of the tuition centres.

For the sake of her child, she pleaded to me and I could not refuse once I noticed that she was in tears. I guess every mum would do anything in her child’s best interest, even if it needs her to put aside her pride. Eventually, I agreed to have her kid at my house for two hours every Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, for free. I had never done it for the money anyway. Just for the love of sharing.

Know what I call that thing which the single mum has? I label it the Power of Motherhood. Naturally, motherhood grants a woman, no matter how young and naïve she may be, the unimaginable power and strength to ensure that her children are loved, happy, healthy, safe and successful. That’s why, since the beginning of time, as early as the first month of pregnancy, mothers would go through the unthinkable for their children. I did that once. I had to forgo my college degree to give way to the pregnancy of my first child. Ten years later, I found myself to be one of the oldest in the class full of youngsters when I resumed my quest for a college degree. Ha..ha..

I was just wondering, with the current lifestyle and only God knows what’s coming in the future, can a child do the same for a mother? I suppose, that’s one of the reason why I started this blog ~ to remind my children and other youngsters about the values and attributes one should adopt in order to live a civilised and decent life. Even if they had the best accomplishments in life, it still means nothing without any values and good attributes.

It’s actually the karma of life. What goes round comes around. I remember a Malay saying that states “A mother can care for ten children, but a child may not be able to care for a mother.” It gives me the chills to even imagine if one day my children decide to keep me away at an old folks home. (They’d better not…or they’d be scraped off from the will!!!)

All in all, maternal instinct is natural in any woman. Even those who are unfortunate enough to conceive one, there are so many ways to be a mother. Bottom line, never give up. On a negative note, I am still annoyed with reports about mothers ‘throwing away’ their newborn babies in the dustbins, by the roadsides, in the toilets et cetera. Please…. If those babies aren’t welcomed, just give away properly. There are still people who would love to raise them as their own.

As for me, I’m blessed with two children, and it looks like that’s it. Since being diagnosed with PCOS last year, I have put a stop to dreaming and hoping for another child, a girl maybe. For now, I’ll just look forward and settle for a daughter-in-law! Overall, I am a happy woman and I am grateful for that.

Home Sweet Home

It has been a week since I got back home, breathing KL's air ( which is filled with dust particles and carbon monoxide from the traffic!). Which ever way, I love my Malaysia.

Just my luck, when we got home, the wireless router was down. So, we sent the thing for repair and still waiting for it to be back. While waiting, I learned something new about myself. I realised that I NEED the Net!! It's pretty torturing for someone who has been constantly browsing the Internet most of the waking hours, to stop doing so abruptly. I am like close to pulling my hair out due to boredom!! Even the plasma Tv in the living room can do me no justice.

So, after the eighth torturing day, here I am right now, at my client's place to finish up some accounting stuff. ( It's just an excuse to get hooked up to the Internet.)~ I am officially an Internet-addict!!!

I had been dying to tell the whole world, our excess baggage was close to RM1,000...USD 361, to be exact...he...he... You guys should have seen my hubby's face when we were told about the excess baggage of 19kg!!!! He turned to me and said, "This is coming out of your allowance!!" Ha..ha... I love my hubby so much...;)

Anyway, I enjoyed being the "Santa Clause" since we touched down. I love looking at the recipient's face light up when we extend any gift or present. It is such a satisfying feeling~ better than chocolate and sex! Ha..ha.. (Excuse me~ Guess, my being back home had shown the jovial side of me!)

I'll continue posting once my Internet connection is okay. ( Not that there's no cyber cafe in my neighbourhood, but it feels awkward to be fighting for a terminal with the teenagers! :D)